A thickness rises all around me as I drift deeper into the belly of my subconscious.
Cascading down I see the colours of eternal blue shift into crystal scapes of incandescence. I keep sinking. It is blue like the belly of a whale and thick like the smoke of Nagchampa. A smoke cloud of oceanic wonder. The in between, that which arguably never existed, we lived there now. We saw the freedom here so we imagined freedom around the freedom guarded by massive fluffy Shiba Inus. No one could get past them. Our freedom was surrounded by this massive ocean stained in the syllables of our eternal passwords. No one will get in, a promise sealed in Sanskrit, the key thrown into the stars. The door locked, in lain with the most beautiful wood carvings, the world within, all our own.
catherine, i was in my last year of university. from the start i never felt like i belonged there, it was not what i wanted and it made feel very uncomfortable. this year i began to feel very sad and a bit depressive, so i left university and returned home. recently i started to take some classes here and feel very scared about the future because i have always done everything as i should (no adventure, a bit boring life) and i am just afraid those feelings come back again and i lose myself.
What I have realized is this, because I have recently gone back to school and have been working jobs in two different cafe’s. The thing is, the universe does not go to school, it does not have a job, the universe lives in the hills and in the center, the very center of sunflowers. The universe lives in the grass and it walks around naked and dreams about being a beautiful lilly of a human that never made all the stupid mistakes that it did. Granted, having a job will teach you something, school will teach you something. But find the universe in the hills, find it in the flowers and in your wandering mind. We are all children of the wanderlust and the everlast. We all have flowers blooming at the end of our fingertips, but we must find sunny places to let them flourish, we must water them, and let hope live in the veins and roots and the lovely uniqueness of their being and our own. There is a uniqueness to your being and there is a great undiscovered beauty always, within the mystery of your body, soul and the world around. travel where your heart pulls you, do not stay still. You deserve every freedom of this beautiful earth.
so when im with her and another friend of hers she acts kinda differently&sometimes leaves me out of the conversations,sometimes i smile/wave when i see her but mostly she just gives me a meaningless smile(we still eat together)but you know what's crazy?There are times when she just comes up to me&gets all smiley&asks me stuff&other things.I still want to be her friend but im so so tired of always having to adjust to her mood and interpret if she wants to talk or not.What do i do? btw ily Cat!!
Some people are just like that. Some people just do their own thing and love you when they want to love you. Think of her like a cat, she’ll prance around and just do her thing, and then cuddle up to you when she wants to or has the energy that she feels she wants to give you. Don’t let yourself feel smaller or less than her in any way. She may have found qualities of life that people are intrigued by, and they see her as beautiful, because she has grown in certain ways. We all have a different growth process, and you will see that when you find certain qualities within you, people will gravitate towards your passion and help you grow in positive and nurturing ways. Each person is so unique and awesome in their own way, and as we continue to grow up, we find our own lives have many things to show us as opposed to worrying or wondering about other peoples lives and how they feel about the way we live ours. Try to find some kind of thing to express your feelings through, whether it be through photography, a little art project, or writing in a journal. Ask yourself if it’s really worth worrying about someone who is only going to give you a portion of their time, is it worth your own time, when you could be focusing on getting more in touch with the beautiful things to notice about your own soul? Let them be, let yourself be. Good luck honey<33
(...)going to trip together in this night.i felt so betraied.i left his house and now i'm so sad, like i continue to have this calm inside but my heart is in so much pain because i feel like this is the end. and i love him so much, we were together for 6months and after relationships of years i've been, i really thought this one was going to be for life. we wanted to go live together in a sustainable comunity far away from society. i don't know if he is healthy for me and i need a opinion from u
It’s hard because you can fall in love with someone, and certain aspects of someone, and fantasize about all the things you want to do together. But I’m really not down for drugs, and if you guys were planning on tripping together, and that’s why you wanted to trip together, well I just can’t really give the best advice on that. Some people are into the whole acid thing whatever, but you could really hurt yourself, and no matter if you think you’re on the trip together, you are still experiencing completely different trips, and for all you know, your face may warp into some crazy shit and it makes him never want to be with you again, because drugs make people delusional. They release false neurotransmitters into the synapse, creating adverse environments. This false neurological activity is the basis of your entire endocrine system. That peace in your heart, is created by the harmonious activity of your neurological and hormonal activity. Don’t mess with it! The reason you feel a dark presence around him could be because of the drugs that he has done. Consider yourself blessed that you didn’t end up tripping with him, because you could have potentially done some damage to yourself, even if it didn’t seem as so in that moment. We have no idea what long term effects even one trip has on the complex human system that functions within us at all times. I may seem crazy in my nature of intense unacceptance, but I have had similar experiences of being close to people who think they are having a good time, or are continually using drugs, and they just go from the best people into really different people, and being dark to be around, even if they still think they are “connected.”
I believe in time yes, but I believe the perimeters of our perceived time vary with our knowledge of ourselves. For example, your state of time might be controlled by emotion on a very spastic and unclear level, there for, your state of time moves in a stressful and seemingly unfulfilled pattern. It could be as simple as cleaning your room, organizing things that matter to you, and suddenly you feel a sense of mental clarity, and a more expansive state of time. In that expansive state of time you may feel heightened creativity or a greater understanding of what you want to do with your time, with your day, with your week and maybe your life. Our goal I think is not to become fixated on time, but to develop a cohesive understanding of the importance of the moment in relation with time.
This is probably way too personal to ask but I really would love to know your opinion about it: bisexuality. Im not talking about lesbians/gays, only bisexuals. If a girl is attracted to girls but she's not sure if she could have a relationship with one is she really bi? do you think is just a phase and she will eventually realize if she's straight or lesbian? Im so confused about my sexuality and I feel completely lost sometimes. Have you ever felt like this? Please respond, you're amazing Cat*
I think a lot of girls are bi and it’s totally cool and okay! My best friend has been bi for forever and it makes me feel way more comfortable about my sexuality. I think some girls are really gorgeous and I love being close to people, but I don’t know if I’d call myself bi. But that could be because I haven’t met a girl that I am totally into. It’s normal to have feelings about the same sex and the opposite sex, and the right people will accept you for whoever you are. Dolphins are totally bi, and also totally cool, so yeah, don’t worry too much about the process.
catherine you have been such a huge, huge inspiration for me! i was at a real low point for a long time and i discovered who you were on the internet and you became such a role model and discovering you encouraged me to go outside, go on long walks, embrace the beauty of nature and soak up every bit of the environment around me and, well, i just want to say thank you for being you! i finally feel back to myself again and you were a key reason for the first steps towards it. have a wonderful day!
Thank you so much, this means the world to me, truly<3 xoxoxoxo Have an amazing day.
catherine, i have been feeling very anxious and insecure...i used to draw a lot and it bad made me feel good but nowadays it just get this weird feeling, like something is missing. have you ever felt like that about your music or surfing?
Absolutely. With surfing, I started feeling a bit disconnected from the ocean at times, and the same thing has happened with art. Try asking or seeking something that brings others joy outside yourself, some kind of volunteering, peace making in some way. This will bring you new inspiration. Also, be out in nature. Running always clears my mind no matter what, maybe try that!
the flowers beneath the warped floorboards, sobbing. the promise of sunlight, the gift of solitude. the thunder of boots descending like clouds. the flowers beneath the warped floorboards, blooming one by one. the flowers, shaking the dust off of their petals.
beneath our ribcage, entangled in thousands of branches that all extend back to the heart
I can hear them talking about me in the other room, and how I yearn for the wind to be the only voice around.
Even when they are silent, they speak with their eyes, the tremors of the calling earth still dormant within them. The wind blows through their veins with every breath, but all they can see is the wrongful nature of our collective self.
I’m currently studying World History which is incredible. Psychology and French. There is so much to learn!! I’m really interested in our psychological , physiological and spiritual connection to live foods, and the extent of that symbiosis. I think there is a lot of untapped medicinal property in the nature of organics and intention based gardening. I’m really interested in the molecular structure of water in plants and how that molecular structure relates to our own molecular structuring throughout our body. I think that would be a really interesting subject. I’d love to create comparisons in molecular blood structure and hormone balances in a fully raw diet in relation to a meat eaters diet. I think the results could be exponentially helpful in our ability to understand and fight diseases. You are what you eat, what you think, and what you wish to discover in my eyes. I think there must be a link between the vibrational energy of plant “knowledge” and our own. And the truth is, trees can actually absorb moisture in the air through their leaves. We work in a similar manner with our ability to “absorb” or perceive incoming information that benefits our existence. i believe that there is a great magnitude and a wholeness of this information that exists which can solidify our ability to live sustainable, abundant and healthy lifestyles.
your skin/hair/makeup are always so nice so i was just wonderinggggg...what products you use and what your "routine" is? or maybe your killer tan just makes everything look good. what an obnoxious question. sorry.
Not obnoxious at all! I use all organic foods. I use excersize, and nice perfumes, I use books and conversations, and learning what it feels like to be beautiful instead of what it looks like. I think that’s when people look nice. Thank you for the compliment love!!!